The world has this perception that someone of my age has it so easy... no worries, no stress. HAHAHA! That's a funny joke. I try to laugh and smile at those who don't understand the awkward position a female is in at my age, but its kind of complicated. I wonder, am I the only one in this same struggle?
In the last few years I've accomplished everything that a single girl dreams of. Two years ago I received my degree from the University of Nebraska - GO SKERS! I've been sharing my life and life experiences with a great man for over three years, and we just tied the knot a couple of months ago. I have a job at a great company, and have been there for 4 and 1/2 years now. Perfect, right?
As it turns out, on the surface life is great! However, there are things deep inside of me that aren't satisfied or sure that I've really made the right moves in this chess game of life. As I write this I am on the verge of a birthday that moves me into a new category, i will no longer be in my early twenties, I'll have to say I'm "Mid-Twenties". Yuck! No crows feet yet, thank goodness & fingers crossed!
In my almost Mid-Twenties life, i wonder where my place is. My younger friends are still unmarried and living it up, parties every weekend, new boys , hot fashions, and spontaneous. Me? I work 50 -60 hours a week, like to be in bed by 10 or 10:30, two drinks and hubby has to drive me home, and there is nowhere in this county that I could whip out cute fashion and not get crazy looks! My older friends are married with kids, they have play dates, family appearances to make, stories about their families, and limited time to spend with their non-child rearing friends (aka. me). I'm in an odd place; not quite the time and energy to hang with my younger friends, no kids to be able to relate to my older friends.
So, I should just find people my age. HAHA! Easier said than done where I live. Most people my age have gone off to school (like I did), and pursued careers in the big city (ok, big for this area). Careers, that's another topic. I have a job with a great company... but why do i feel like i'm there to improve the diversity statistic? I have a mind and have proven i have the potential, capabilities, and qualifications to go far, but still i feel trapped and pushed down by the male dominated industry I work in. I have a degree, i'm a licensed broker, and i work as someone' assistant. AKA.. i plan meetings and can order supplies. What? How did I get here? This was a promotion?
I know that eventually i will find a career that feeds off of my strengths, but it will take time. How much time? I don't want to be waking up everyday for the next 5 years struggling to get motivated to go to work. Maybe i should give it up, find a decent part time job and start a family. Or maybe i should continue searching, build my career and start a family later. I don't know! And to make matters worse, I have a great husband who will support me no matter what i do, and won't tell me what to do. (awful... i know i'm too lucky with him)
Oh, and besides all of the work/friend/social life drama, i'm still trying to figure out this whole marriage and family thing. No, not when to have a family, but how to incorporate two families into my life. If you know my family, that is enough to handle in itself. Now, lets add in my husband's family. There are stories, details on past family history, mini-relationships within the families... yeesh! Its alot to manage. Trying to bridge the almost 60 year gap between myself and grandma B, or ensure my mom that her quiet son-in-law likes her even if he doesn't say it (mom... not all of us are good at expressing ourselves like you).
Oh, and speaking of moms... my house is nowhere near mom or mom in-law ready. We've done some improvements, but i don't have the time to dust every week, or keep my laundry from spilling over the basket in the bedroom. My bathroom has the lived in look, my kitchen floors are clean, but not clean enough to eat off of.
Ok - STOP! i'm sure by now you think i'm slightly neurotic, overwhelming (my mother's favorite word), and possibly a tad controlling. I'm a people pleaser, I like to make others happy. I always feel responsible for the world.... heavy stuff... responsible for my world (that's more accurate).
I think at this point my plight at 20 something is complicated, but really simple at the same time. With all of these dilemmas what i really want is a purpose and to be happy. Don't get me wrong, my life is not awful, far from it! I just hope that i'm not the only one in this crazy struggle, that i'm not the only one who feels this torn in so many directions... or maybe I am just that much of a crazy worry wart!
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