In my young life as an aspiring wife, mother, and career woman, I have always thought of myself as getting an education in "Growing Up". Not that I'm extremely good at acting grown up, but I like to think I've learned how to take care of myself, my responsibilities, my home, and now my husband. It seems the natural realm of things, to learn and grow and take on more "things".... Evidently I missed the memo on men NOT following the same pattern.
The same person that I love and respect and cherish, is also the same person that drives me nuts with his endless messes and incapability to manage "things"... Here is an example, when my husband was living on his own he regularly took out the trash and washed the dishes. He was able to do laundry, vacuum the floors, and even cut the grass. Well, he was able to accomplish these things before I started staying more frequently. Slowly, ever so slowly, i noticed a decline in his performance of said "things". It seems weird, but it took me several months... no maybe over a year to really stop and realize what was happening to him.
My current job requires that a travel... A LOT! So, generally i am on the road 3 to 4 days a week. At first I didn't notice what was happening at home... but then one week of being away I came home to the following:
The Bathroom - A complete wreck. Two used toilet paper roles on the counter, the garbage overflowing, toothpaste and whiskers all over the sink, and I'm not even going to mention the toilet and shower.
The Kitchen -Dirty dishes stacked up to the cupboards above and the sink completely full, the dishwasher empty, the garbage completely full,and the fridge void of anything to cook. The one positive is that he didn't starve while I was gone, at least he remembers how to cook (frozen pizza mainly).
The Living Room - I will lay off the living room, it is somewhat of a husband's sanctuary. His lone chair is allowed to look lived in and worn, the stash of candy bar wrappers and pop bottles is slightly excessive, but its his little oasis in the barrenness of life without his wife at home.
The Bedroom - Piles upon piles upon piles of dirty laundry, well I think it is dirty... but he resorts to the SNIFF test to be sure.... Yuck! What is it with men? They think it is ok to rely on a nose that has probably gotten used to their stench of dirtiness to chose what is clean enough to wear?? No, clearly it is not!
It just baffles my mind, the things that men consider acceptable behavior. More baffling is how women like me can huff & puff, nag and nag, and stomp around the house all while the males in our lives think nothing is wrong. In fact in one of my crazy rants, approximately 3 minutes after stepping in the door from a 4 day stint away, he looks at me and smiles... actually breaks into hysteria.... he thinks I'm funny!! What? I tell him he's crazy, disgusting, a pig even. His response "I love it!".
How? How? How can i have missed this "unique" quality? And even more astonishing, my husband thinks I'm the one with the problem. I'm too OCD about my spaces, too particular about the parts of everyday that don't make a life.... What??? So... I decide if you can't beat em', join em'. What do you know.... letting the laundry pile up (which he has been doing on his own for approximately 8 weeks) on the bedroom floor isn't all that bad.... although sometimes i think i can see it move on its own! Clean dishes? Well, I've got 3 sets of everyday dishes before i really need to do any. :-) (I can't bring myself to dirty the everyday dishes AND break out the fine china.) And, I've even let the whiskers get scattered over the sink for 2 or 3 days before cleaning them up. (I can't however let the bathroom get much worse than that) Heck - as i type this, the grass hasn't been cut in almost 3 weeks! Yeah, I've let my hair down!
Needless to say, I've learned to let go just a little. Its not about having a perfect home, its about having a perfectly good time living. I find that my guilt on choosing a night on the couch with my husband instead of cleaning the floors has slowly gone away. And let me tell you what, slacking off and having frozen pizza instead of a home cooked meal is OKAY! Heck, skip the frozen pizza and just order it... then you don't even have to turn the oven on, dirty a pan, or break out a plate if you don't want to!
So.. really, even though my husband is older then me and supposed to be the more grown up individual... its ok that he's not the so-called "Grown Up" he should be. He has this annoying ability to remind me of what is really important... as he sits in his favorite chair, belching after a Dr. Pepper Cherry and 3 slices of Casey's Pizza, glued to a football game. What is real and important here is collecting the memories in our lives and stashing them away, not collecting the dust bunnies and throwing them in the trash. Thank goodness for men who don't have a care in the world... well at least the house!
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