So, how is it that me, the confident and out-going one was so nervous & terrified? I knew from the bottom of my heart that this was the man of my dreams, but still I felt this pressure. What was this nervousness all about?
Step back 10 months, we're engaged! Yay! Now the game of strategizing about the wedding ceremony, reception, wedding party, the colors, the flowers, the details..... Geez!
6 months to go. I've gotten some of the details done, but why is it that my fiance doesn't seem to understand the pressure or help me make the decisions? He says "whatever you want dear". Normally I would be ecstatic at that comment, but not now! Help Me!
2 months to go. I've managed to get everything done, no thanks to my fiance. Thank goodness for my best friends, my sister, and my mom or I would be dead in the water at this point. How is it the most important and wonderful man in my life doesn't think he should help me?!? Just because I'm good at making decisions and planning doesn't mean I want to do all of that for our wedding!
June 11th - Hooray! The day is finally here. Everything I've worked so hard on in the last 10 months is finally coming to fruition. My friends and family loved every minute of it. My planning and hard work was all worth it. So again, why was I nervous? I knew everything would come together.
For me, and I'm sure several others, I felt this pressure as a bride to make sure everyone who attended my wedding thought it was the best event EVER! Why? It was my wedding, people who love and support me should just love it no matter what! Right? OK, so yeah, everyone does love it. Still, nervous! Hmmm... where is my groom, jumping up and down with how AWESOME of a job i did?
That was it. I was nervous because i wanted to know that i had done a good job from the one person who's opinion mattered most. Well, if you know my husband, you know that he is a quiet guy. Doesn't generally have anything to say unless spoken to or something really worthwhile or hilarious pops into his head. So, even through all the "I Love Yous" and sweet kisses of that evening I needed to hear him say "It was good".
I should have known he liked it. (It was Husker themed after all - his favorite thing of all time.)
But my need for verbal admiration got in the way. Late that night he says "How couldn't you tell?" I don't know.... the endless kisses, the smiles, the winks, and all of this in front of people (he isn't a pda kind of guy). Not to mention the 2 hours of photos, all for me! Of course he like it, of course he thought i did a good job, of course he loved me.
It was a duh moment for me!
I laugh now, but I hope that the next big thing I plan i keep in mind the simplicity of life and the whole game. And the fact that my husband is happy with whatever I do.
A little while later he says to me "It's just a piece of paper dear. It doesn't change our relationship."
I wish i had heard him say this a few months earlier..... :-) The process would have been much less stressful. Hearing it now, is just as good though.
It is comforting to know that our relationship is strong, it isn't based on fancy parties, white dresses, tuxes, or pretty flowers. It isn't built on a piece of paper or on the fact that i changed my name. It is built on love and appreciation of each other, on the journey we started 3 years ago together and have promised to continue on.
My husband... thank goodness for him and his subtle wisdom.
"It's just a piece of paper dear."
He's right, We are the relationship. And I'm not nervous any more, there is no need to impress him or anyone else. It is enough just to live, laugh, love, hurt, grow, and prosper together.
