My husband and I recently completed a long tour of duty during harvest.... long hours, excessive dust and dirty work, irregular eating habits, lack of sleep, and loss of communication with the outside world. What harvest really meant was no time for anything or anyone, including each other. SO... what do you do to remedy this situation after harvest is done? Well you take a vacation! Road Trip!
Destination Santa Fe! Yup, Santa Fe, NM was the goal. We actually drove for this vacation, and it was so nice to travel at our own pace, see the country as we desired, and sing along to the radio!
*Half the fun alone in a road trip with the Ramsey's is me singing at the top of my lungs and watching my husband laugh and giggle at my ridiculousness... especially when i break out the dancing in the car too! Eventually his laughing turns into a station flip to Hair Nation and his own rendition of ACDC, Motley Crue, or some other hair banging, guitar raging, top of the lungs screaming band from the 80's. If only you could be a fly on the window in our car.... you'd either laugh so hard you cried or think we were totally nuts!
When we reached New Mexico (way up in the Northeast corner) the first thing we saw along the road was a ghost town, literally a ghost town! my first thought... "OMG, lets go back!" Well the husband said NO, and thank goodness for that because the trip across New Mexico to Santa Fe was beautiful and different from anything I'd ever seen. It always seems like when we travel somewhere new, we are reminded of somewhere we've already been. This was not really the case with New Mexico, sure if you cross the South Dakota Badlands with the Mountains of Colorado, and the barrenness of Western Oklahoma.... but that still didn't really describe the serenity & deafening silence of New Mexico, or the beauty and barrenness of New Mexico, or the vegetation and landscapes we saw. It was truly unique.
The open range and lands of New Mexico are so vast, it really made me think about how small and insignificant things can be compared to this great thing called life. Just amazing! Just the drive alone was enough to bring both of us back to life and reality, and the beauty of having life to share with someone else. It is amazing the conversations you have on a trip like this.... what do you think god wants us to do with our life, how much do you really want to stay working/living/doing what we're doing, how do you live this isolated and make a life work? I'm full of all sorts of questions and worries, my husband is very nice about playing along!
As we reached what was supposed to be civilization, somehow it still managed to look barren and deserted. How on earth does a city the size of Santa Fe manage to look like a wilderness. Well I'm sure some of it had to to with the landscape: sand, cactus, burned up vegetation, scant amounts of trees, etc.... but the other part was the buildings. These people have so much respect for their history and reverence for their land that it is almost mandatory to build in a way that is respectful to the land and culture (adobe style) as well as Eco conscious (green builds, solar panels, low profile housing). I had never seen anything like it.... so all you green loving Californians... you need to swing through New Mexico next time your Prius goes to your head!
Anyways our visit to Santa Fe really showed us what embracing a culture and lifestyle is like. From the gigantic daily farmers market, to the restaurants that support the farm to table concept, to the Native American shops and markets Santa Fe was truly a unique experience. I think some would like to think that this part of the country embraces their culture and history more than others, but I am not so blinded to see this sort of thing happening at home too. And with the thought of home in my mind, I suddenly wanted to be there...
Sure my husband and I loved our trip and all the sites and things we were able to do, but its always nice to come home. Its nice to remember what you love about the place you call home, and that is really what vacations are about. Getting away from it all to remember why you loved it in the first place. We can really get so caught up in what isn't important that we forget the great things we do have. Like, the fact that the old Oregon Trail runs right through the heart of our County, the trail that brought thousands of homesteaders, adventurers, and others being persecuted for numerous things to a new life and a new land. *Pretty stinking cool!
Plus the fact that here in the Midwest you can't turn a corner in the summer time without seeing a festival for one nationality or the other. In Nebraska alone I can think of Czech days, 2 major Irish festivals, a couple of Polish days, Danish, Norwegian, German and 2 Swedish festivals. (yup, Nebraska is highly European, not just overalls and buck teeth!). Plus we have the National 4th of July City in Seward. It doesn't get much more Historic than that... but there was William Bill Hickock who called Nebraska home for a time, and then the great Lincoln Highway criss-crossing our state bringing thousands of visitors each year, plus the birth of Arbor Day, and the inventions of Pivot Irrigation systems and Kool-Aid....
What I really mean to say is the trips we take away from home always make coming home so much better. It rejuvenates us and focuses us back on our goals for life. It brings a passion back to the things we do on a daily basis and maybe take for granted, and it reinvigorates our relationships within ourselves and with others.
It really is kind of comical in a way how the first site of a prickly cactus can excite the senses to something new, and yet the first site of a corn field can leave you longing for home. I guess you've got to get away to find your way back home sometimes.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Too Caught Up in Busy
It has been quite some time since i sat down to type, and you would think i would have something great to write about in all this time. Sadly, i have been so busy i have forgotten most of what has happened lately. What I do know is this... being this busy, this tied up, this crazy is NOT OK!
In all the madness that is harvest, i have missed out on so many opportunities. Opportunities to build and improve my relationship with my husband. Opportunities to better myself. Opportunities to spend time doing things i enjoy, relaxing, and connecting with others. And for what have i missed all this for? For a job? To spend all my time working on the road & away from home?
In the last month, i spent approximately 15 of 20 business days away from home. What I really did was leave my husband all alone (refer to the previous blog on his personal hygiene/housekeeping habits), neglect anything that was important to myself, and forget about what is important in my life.
I highly discourage being on the road so much that you forget you're married. (OK... not literally, but i definitely wasn't working on nurturing my new marriage). When you don't take the time out for the relationship that it needs, it really starts to suffer. I was too tired when i was home to want to do anything.... anything! I was on the road so much during the week that all i wanted to do when i was home, was stay home!
I also wore myself down so much that my life in general started to suffer. I was forgetful, unmotivated, and just plain exhausted all the time. I mean... not to gross you out or anything... but i was so tired i hadn't shaved my legs in 3 weeks.... it was just WAY too much work in the shower. Seriously? its like 14-16 strokes of a razor to shave two legs... how much energy can that take? Evidently too much!
I even missed my favorite time of year... that time right when all the leaves start changing and the nights get crisp & cool. Normally i would convince my husband out on a long drive to take in the beauty of this natural phenomenon. Normally i would convince my husband to snuggle and sleep in late in those crisp cool mornings we start to have.I missed them both this year... :-( Luckily i can get the snuggling made up... but the beauty of Fall will have to wait another year.
I guess what i should really say is... getting so caught up in running around for work or a job... and forgetting to stop and smell the roses, or have a couples day with your husband is just absurd.Your job won't take care of you when you're sick, they won't comfort you when you're sad, and they most certainly won't be at your side during your last days. Even when life gets busy, remember who and what is important... remember what makes you special isn't your ability to multitask and get the job done, its the people and love you surround yourself with.
Happy Relationship Building/Strengthening!
In all the madness that is harvest, i have missed out on so many opportunities. Opportunities to build and improve my relationship with my husband. Opportunities to better myself. Opportunities to spend time doing things i enjoy, relaxing, and connecting with others. And for what have i missed all this for? For a job? To spend all my time working on the road & away from home?
In the last month, i spent approximately 15 of 20 business days away from home. What I really did was leave my husband all alone (refer to the previous blog on his personal hygiene/housekeeping habits), neglect anything that was important to myself, and forget about what is important in my life.
I highly discourage being on the road so much that you forget you're married. (OK... not literally, but i definitely wasn't working on nurturing my new marriage). When you don't take the time out for the relationship that it needs, it really starts to suffer. I was too tired when i was home to want to do anything.... anything! I was on the road so much during the week that all i wanted to do when i was home, was stay home!
I also wore myself down so much that my life in general started to suffer. I was forgetful, unmotivated, and just plain exhausted all the time. I mean... not to gross you out or anything... but i was so tired i hadn't shaved my legs in 3 weeks.... it was just WAY too much work in the shower. Seriously? its like 14-16 strokes of a razor to shave two legs... how much energy can that take? Evidently too much!
I even missed my favorite time of year... that time right when all the leaves start changing and the nights get crisp & cool. Normally i would convince my husband out on a long drive to take in the beauty of this natural phenomenon. Normally i would convince my husband to snuggle and sleep in late in those crisp cool mornings we start to have.I missed them both this year... :-( Luckily i can get the snuggling made up... but the beauty of Fall will have to wait another year.
I guess what i should really say is... getting so caught up in running around for work or a job... and forgetting to stop and smell the roses, or have a couples day with your husband is just absurd.Your job won't take care of you when you're sick, they won't comfort you when you're sad, and they most certainly won't be at your side during your last days. Even when life gets busy, remember who and what is important... remember what makes you special isn't your ability to multitask and get the job done, its the people and love you surround yourself with.
Happy Relationship Building/Strengthening!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
the J word: Jealous
Have you heard of the 7 deadly sins? Well, this should be one of them, Jealousy!
Jealousy: a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust.
I am sure that all of us experience jealousy at some point in our lives, but the last few years I have seen things that I can't believe. Jealousy from myself and others, over the most ridiculous things ever!
One such thing happened this last weekend. I caught up with two of my favorite gals this last weekend. One of my single & free gals, and one of my new mommy gals. It was wonderful to see them both, and funny to see how much we have all changed and stayed the same all at once. What was odd was this weird jealousy thing that i kept feeling.
Lets start with my single gal pal... how lucky is she? Still able to roam free, go where she wants, do what she wants... play on the jungle gym even (ha ha!). Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but there are days that I wish what I decided only affected me...that if i wanted to wake up and drive home for the weekend I wouldn't have to worry about what my husband thought or had planned. I could spend my money on new shoes or purses without thinking "I should save this money for house projects". Nope, not anymore.... every time I pick up a new pair of shoes i see my Husband's face looking like "Really, another pair? Isn't 30 enough?" He means well i guess, I do end up saving money. But I am jealous of her freedom... her ability to do whatever she wants at her own whim.
What's funny about me being jealous of my single friend, is that as we catch up at dinner she is telling me how much she wishes she was settled and married. Believe me, this is nothing to be jealous of.... I tell her its a lot of work & she gets all dreamy eyed. I tell her that now I know all my husband's gross secrets... does she really want to marry someone that could wake her up in the middle of the night with a fart?? (love you dear, but really?? really??)
In the same day I also spent time with my mommy gal pal, and it was awesome. This, the once crazy and wild gal who helped me get into so many crazy situations, is now a devoted and loving mother. Its amazing! You can literally feel the love just being in the same room as her. She has the sweetest baby AND he likes me! As he napped on my chest that afternoon I couldn't help but envy her, not jealous, but envious. Knowing that some day I will have that, but I will have to wait so I enjoyed the occasion while I could. Her sister on the other hand has turned everything positive and beautiful about this special little guy into a competition.
It was repulsive how someone older, wiser, and a more experienced mother (two kids of her own) could display such jealous behavior. Everything was a one up situation. Nothing my friend did was good enough or right in her eyes. Where is the sisterly love? Where is the sisterly guidance? Where is the sisterly camaraderie about the gross baby stuff nobody tells you? It was so sad to see this ugliness totally ruining a huge opportunity to bond & share in such a wonderful moment. I was revelling in the opportunity & envious, but the one who should have been sharing the moment was blinded by jealousy.
Such an odd weekend... so many emotions tied up into such a short time. It really balanced me though, gave me some perspective on the great things in my life. It is really easy to get sidetracked in what is important in life, but it just goes to show you that everyone struggles with what is important. Married girls want to be single for a day, single girls want to be married. Mom's & sisters may clash, and friends want babies too when a new one comes into the world. But really, its about finding the balance between what you have & want you want in a constructive way. Its about being able to have wants and desires without getting so bogged down with jealousy that it ruins a perfectly good opportunity to share in someone else's success & happiness.
Jealousy: a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust.
I am sure that all of us experience jealousy at some point in our lives, but the last few years I have seen things that I can't believe. Jealousy from myself and others, over the most ridiculous things ever!
One such thing happened this last weekend. I caught up with two of my favorite gals this last weekend. One of my single & free gals, and one of my new mommy gals. It was wonderful to see them both, and funny to see how much we have all changed and stayed the same all at once. What was odd was this weird jealousy thing that i kept feeling.
Lets start with my single gal pal... how lucky is she? Still able to roam free, go where she wants, do what she wants... play on the jungle gym even (ha ha!). Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but there are days that I wish what I decided only affected me...that if i wanted to wake up and drive home for the weekend I wouldn't have to worry about what my husband thought or had planned. I could spend my money on new shoes or purses without thinking "I should save this money for house projects". Nope, not anymore.... every time I pick up a new pair of shoes i see my Husband's face looking like "Really, another pair? Isn't 30 enough?" He means well i guess, I do end up saving money. But I am jealous of her freedom... her ability to do whatever she wants at her own whim.
What's funny about me being jealous of my single friend, is that as we catch up at dinner she is telling me how much she wishes she was settled and married. Believe me, this is nothing to be jealous of.... I tell her its a lot of work & she gets all dreamy eyed. I tell her that now I know all my husband's gross secrets... does she really want to marry someone that could wake her up in the middle of the night with a fart?? (love you dear, but really?? really??)
In the same day I also spent time with my mommy gal pal, and it was awesome. This, the once crazy and wild gal who helped me get into so many crazy situations, is now a devoted and loving mother. Its amazing! You can literally feel the love just being in the same room as her. She has the sweetest baby AND he likes me! As he napped on my chest that afternoon I couldn't help but envy her, not jealous, but envious. Knowing that some day I will have that, but I will have to wait so I enjoyed the occasion while I could. Her sister on the other hand has turned everything positive and beautiful about this special little guy into a competition.
It was repulsive how someone older, wiser, and a more experienced mother (two kids of her own) could display such jealous behavior. Everything was a one up situation. Nothing my friend did was good enough or right in her eyes. Where is the sisterly love? Where is the sisterly guidance? Where is the sisterly camaraderie about the gross baby stuff nobody tells you? It was so sad to see this ugliness totally ruining a huge opportunity to bond & share in such a wonderful moment. I was revelling in the opportunity & envious, but the one who should have been sharing the moment was blinded by jealousy.
Such an odd weekend... so many emotions tied up into such a short time. It really balanced me though, gave me some perspective on the great things in my life. It is really easy to get sidetracked in what is important in life, but it just goes to show you that everyone struggles with what is important. Married girls want to be single for a day, single girls want to be married. Mom's & sisters may clash, and friends want babies too when a new one comes into the world. But really, its about finding the balance between what you have & want you want in a constructive way. Its about being able to have wants and desires without getting so bogged down with jealousy that it ruins a perfectly good opportunity to share in someone else's success & happiness.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Best Made Plans:Meet the "Compromise"
I am a planner! I just want to clarify that up front, I'm not trying to hide it. I am a planner! My mom is a planner, my best friends are planners, and I am a planner. I firmly believe that you can think anything through long enough to make it fit into a neat little plan.... Well, usually.
Thanks to a certain man (my husband) I have begun to succumb to the sickening fact that maybe... just maybe... I can't plan everything. So far, I've been living my life in one neat little pattern after another. School was a very easy 4 year plan, then I planned to move into my full time career (check), then I planned to get married (check), then I planned to have kids.... I didn't plan on having "amendments" to the plan... but I have learned to cope with those few changes.
What I never planned on was having to incorporate anyone else into those plans that wouldn't just jump on board. I mean, if I plan to have a fairytale princess wedding, the other party should just jump on board. No! If I plan to renovate the bathroom between March and September of the first year of living in the house (also have a wedding during that time), the other party should just get on board. No! If I plan to start having kids at a certain date to ensure that birthdays are spread throughout the year, the other party should definitely jump on board. No! If I plan just to go visit the family in Illinois for a weekend, the other party should just hop in the car. No! If I plan to plan, everyone should be on board. No!
OK, I've heard of compromising.... just never really been very big on it. I mean, I lived on my own for 6 years, took good care of myself, and never had to make any compromises then. Obviously I'm pretty good at making decisions (well, most of the time) so why don't other people just go along with what I say? (OK, obviously I've had to compromise in my professional life a lot.) So, by other people I mostly mean my stubborn husband. He will undoubtedly tell you I'm the stubborn one, but i don't think so.
Even now, as I type, we are in a deep negotiation process. Trying to compromise on what our future plan should look like for the next year. I've found that trying to plan any further out in my life is somewhat futile at this point, besides I'm going to have to adapt that plan anyways. So... we are in deep negotiation. Should we travel and relish this time as a couple? Should we settle down and start planning our family? Should we split the year 50/50? Seems frivolous and unnecessary to a non-planner like my husband, but this is huge for me.
I want to know the plan so that I can make decisions about my life, my job, myself. Yeah - I heard a lot of me, me, me in that. This is what happened one day in the last few weeks, I was complaining to myself in the kitchen one day and noticed this trend of me, me, me. "What is wrong with me?" I have completely turned into a whiny brat, totally negating the existence of the other person in my life. What is he, chopped liver? Nothing? I couldn't believe that this was the attitude I'd taken on, solely because I hadn't gotten my way. I was like a 5 foot 10 inch Two Year Old!
I start to wonder, did I miss the lessons in school on compromise? On learning how to share (a life in this case)? No, i clearly remember teachers telling me about this stuff. What they didn't teach me was that when two people become like one (marriage or a serious commitment), it is not to say that their thoughts, ideas, attitudes, and values become one. What? Seriously? I mean, i was completely misled. What about "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine"? That isn't true either?
So yes, this may seem a little ridiculous. That is that point. For all those women (or men) who get hung up on making a plan, trying to stick to that plan, and then facing resistance from the people who love them the most.... your plan is NOT the only plan. Your way is NOT the only way. Your thoughts are NOT the only thoughts that matter. Hard to deal with when you've been independent for so long, a rising theme in young women it seems. Compromise is one of the hardest, most challenging, yet rewarding things you will learn to do in your personal life.
OK - I didn't get the fairytale princess wedding, but I got a beautiful wedding that showcased my groom and I. I don't have a stylishly remodeled bathroom.... yet, but at least the mauve carpet got tossed right away. I don't have any kids yet, but fingers crossed I get a dog that travels well. And maybe I'm not sticking to My plan, but our plan is unfolding under my feet everyday. Its not a very well defined plan, my husband isn't big on defining things, but there are boundaries to give us some guidance. And believe it or not, letting some things just happen in life is really fun... some things.... not everything. I mean you have to plan shopping trips, girl time, and romantic getaways (those three things MUST be planned).
PS - I have also come to grips with the fact that ridiculous ultimatums do NOT work as compromise i.e.: Either we get a dog or have a baby! Not a very good way to "compromise". Sorry about that one dear!
Thanks to a certain man (my husband) I have begun to succumb to the sickening fact that maybe... just maybe... I can't plan everything. So far, I've been living my life in one neat little pattern after another. School was a very easy 4 year plan, then I planned to move into my full time career (check), then I planned to get married (check), then I planned to have kids.... I didn't plan on having "amendments" to the plan... but I have learned to cope with those few changes.
What I never planned on was having to incorporate anyone else into those plans that wouldn't just jump on board. I mean, if I plan to have a fairytale princess wedding, the other party should just jump on board. No! If I plan to renovate the bathroom between March and September of the first year of living in the house (also have a wedding during that time), the other party should just get on board. No! If I plan to start having kids at a certain date to ensure that birthdays are spread throughout the year, the other party should definitely jump on board. No! If I plan just to go visit the family in Illinois for a weekend, the other party should just hop in the car. No! If I plan to plan, everyone should be on board. No!
OK, I've heard of compromising.... just never really been very big on it. I mean, I lived on my own for 6 years, took good care of myself, and never had to make any compromises then. Obviously I'm pretty good at making decisions (well, most of the time) so why don't other people just go along with what I say? (OK, obviously I've had to compromise in my professional life a lot.) So, by other people I mostly mean my stubborn husband. He will undoubtedly tell you I'm the stubborn one, but i don't think so.
Even now, as I type, we are in a deep negotiation process. Trying to compromise on what our future plan should look like for the next year. I've found that trying to plan any further out in my life is somewhat futile at this point, besides I'm going to have to adapt that plan anyways. So... we are in deep negotiation. Should we travel and relish this time as a couple? Should we settle down and start planning our family? Should we split the year 50/50? Seems frivolous and unnecessary to a non-planner like my husband, but this is huge for me.
I want to know the plan so that I can make decisions about my life, my job, myself. Yeah - I heard a lot of me, me, me in that. This is what happened one day in the last few weeks, I was complaining to myself in the kitchen one day and noticed this trend of me, me, me. "What is wrong with me?" I have completely turned into a whiny brat, totally negating the existence of the other person in my life. What is he, chopped liver? Nothing? I couldn't believe that this was the attitude I'd taken on, solely because I hadn't gotten my way. I was like a 5 foot 10 inch Two Year Old!
I start to wonder, did I miss the lessons in school on compromise? On learning how to share (a life in this case)? No, i clearly remember teachers telling me about this stuff. What they didn't teach me was that when two people become like one (marriage or a serious commitment), it is not to say that their thoughts, ideas, attitudes, and values become one. What? Seriously? I mean, i was completely misled. What about "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine"? That isn't true either?
So yes, this may seem a little ridiculous. That is that point. For all those women (or men) who get hung up on making a plan, trying to stick to that plan, and then facing resistance from the people who love them the most.... your plan is NOT the only plan. Your way is NOT the only way. Your thoughts are NOT the only thoughts that matter. Hard to deal with when you've been independent for so long, a rising theme in young women it seems. Compromise is one of the hardest, most challenging, yet rewarding things you will learn to do in your personal life.
OK - I didn't get the fairytale princess wedding, but I got a beautiful wedding that showcased my groom and I. I don't have a stylishly remodeled bathroom.... yet, but at least the mauve carpet got tossed right away. I don't have any kids yet, but fingers crossed I get a dog that travels well. And maybe I'm not sticking to My plan, but our plan is unfolding under my feet everyday. Its not a very well defined plan, my husband isn't big on defining things, but there are boundaries to give us some guidance. And believe it or not, letting some things just happen in life is really fun... some things.... not everything. I mean you have to plan shopping trips, girl time, and romantic getaways (those three things MUST be planned).
PS - I have also come to grips with the fact that ridiculous ultimatums do NOT work as compromise i.e.: Either we get a dog or have a baby! Not a very good way to "compromise". Sorry about that one dear!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Men: Growing Down & Keeping It Real
In my young life as an aspiring wife, mother, and career woman, I have always thought of myself as getting an education in "Growing Up". Not that I'm extremely good at acting grown up, but I like to think I've learned how to take care of myself, my responsibilities, my home, and now my husband. It seems the natural realm of things, to learn and grow and take on more "things".... Evidently I missed the memo on men NOT following the same pattern.
The same person that I love and respect and cherish, is also the same person that drives me nuts with his endless messes and incapability to manage "things"... Here is an example, when my husband was living on his own he regularly took out the trash and washed the dishes. He was able to do laundry, vacuum the floors, and even cut the grass. Well, he was able to accomplish these things before I started staying more frequently. Slowly, ever so slowly, i noticed a decline in his performance of said "things". It seems weird, but it took me several months... no maybe over a year to really stop and realize what was happening to him.
My current job requires that a travel... A LOT! So, generally i am on the road 3 to 4 days a week. At first I didn't notice what was happening at home... but then one week of being away I came home to the following:
The Bathroom - A complete wreck. Two used toilet paper roles on the counter, the garbage overflowing, toothpaste and whiskers all over the sink, and I'm not even going to mention the toilet and shower.
The Kitchen -Dirty dishes stacked up to the cupboards above and the sink completely full, the dishwasher empty, the garbage completely full,and the fridge void of anything to cook. The one positive is that he didn't starve while I was gone, at least he remembers how to cook (frozen pizza mainly).
The Living Room - I will lay off the living room, it is somewhat of a husband's sanctuary. His lone chair is allowed to look lived in and worn, the stash of candy bar wrappers and pop bottles is slightly excessive, but its his little oasis in the barrenness of life without his wife at home.
The Bedroom - Piles upon piles upon piles of dirty laundry, well I think it is dirty... but he resorts to the SNIFF test to be sure.... Yuck! What is it with men? They think it is ok to rely on a nose that has probably gotten used to their stench of dirtiness to chose what is clean enough to wear?? No, clearly it is not!
It just baffles my mind, the things that men consider acceptable behavior. More baffling is how women like me can huff & puff, nag and nag, and stomp around the house all while the males in our lives think nothing is wrong. In fact in one of my crazy rants, approximately 3 minutes after stepping in the door from a 4 day stint away, he looks at me and smiles... actually breaks into hysteria.... he thinks I'm funny!! What? I tell him he's crazy, disgusting, a pig even. His response "I love it!".
How? How? How can i have missed this "unique" quality? And even more astonishing, my husband thinks I'm the one with the problem. I'm too OCD about my spaces, too particular about the parts of everyday that don't make a life.... What??? So... I decide if you can't beat em', join em'. What do you know.... letting the laundry pile up (which he has been doing on his own for approximately 8 weeks) on the bedroom floor isn't all that bad.... although sometimes i think i can see it move on its own! Clean dishes? Well, I've got 3 sets of everyday dishes before i really need to do any. :-) (I can't bring myself to dirty the everyday dishes AND break out the fine china.) And, I've even let the whiskers get scattered over the sink for 2 or 3 days before cleaning them up. (I can't however let the bathroom get much worse than that) Heck - as i type this, the grass hasn't been cut in almost 3 weeks! Yeah, I've let my hair down!
Needless to say, I've learned to let go just a little. Its not about having a perfect home, its about having a perfectly good time living. I find that my guilt on choosing a night on the couch with my husband instead of cleaning the floors has slowly gone away. And let me tell you what, slacking off and having frozen pizza instead of a home cooked meal is OKAY! Heck, skip the frozen pizza and just order it... then you don't even have to turn the oven on, dirty a pan, or break out a plate if you don't want to!
So.. really, even though my husband is older then me and supposed to be the more grown up individual... its ok that he's not the so-called "Grown Up" he should be. He has this annoying ability to remind me of what is really important... as he sits in his favorite chair, belching after a Dr. Pepper Cherry and 3 slices of Casey's Pizza, glued to a football game. What is real and important here is collecting the memories in our lives and stashing them away, not collecting the dust bunnies and throwing them in the trash. Thank goodness for men who don't have a care in the world... well at least the house!
The same person that I love and respect and cherish, is also the same person that drives me nuts with his endless messes and incapability to manage "things"... Here is an example, when my husband was living on his own he regularly took out the trash and washed the dishes. He was able to do laundry, vacuum the floors, and even cut the grass. Well, he was able to accomplish these things before I started staying more frequently. Slowly, ever so slowly, i noticed a decline in his performance of said "things". It seems weird, but it took me several months... no maybe over a year to really stop and realize what was happening to him.
My current job requires that a travel... A LOT! So, generally i am on the road 3 to 4 days a week. At first I didn't notice what was happening at home... but then one week of being away I came home to the following:
The Bathroom - A complete wreck. Two used toilet paper roles on the counter, the garbage overflowing, toothpaste and whiskers all over the sink, and I'm not even going to mention the toilet and shower.
The Kitchen -Dirty dishes stacked up to the cupboards above and the sink completely full, the dishwasher empty, the garbage completely full,and the fridge void of anything to cook. The one positive is that he didn't starve while I was gone, at least he remembers how to cook (frozen pizza mainly).
The Living Room - I will lay off the living room, it is somewhat of a husband's sanctuary. His lone chair is allowed to look lived in and worn, the stash of candy bar wrappers and pop bottles is slightly excessive, but its his little oasis in the barrenness of life without his wife at home.
The Bedroom - Piles upon piles upon piles of dirty laundry, well I think it is dirty... but he resorts to the SNIFF test to be sure.... Yuck! What is it with men? They think it is ok to rely on a nose that has probably gotten used to their stench of dirtiness to chose what is clean enough to wear?? No, clearly it is not!
It just baffles my mind, the things that men consider acceptable behavior. More baffling is how women like me can huff & puff, nag and nag, and stomp around the house all while the males in our lives think nothing is wrong. In fact in one of my crazy rants, approximately 3 minutes after stepping in the door from a 4 day stint away, he looks at me and smiles... actually breaks into hysteria.... he thinks I'm funny!! What? I tell him he's crazy, disgusting, a pig even. His response "I love it!".
How? How? How can i have missed this "unique" quality? And even more astonishing, my husband thinks I'm the one with the problem. I'm too OCD about my spaces, too particular about the parts of everyday that don't make a life.... What??? So... I decide if you can't beat em', join em'. What do you know.... letting the laundry pile up (which he has been doing on his own for approximately 8 weeks) on the bedroom floor isn't all that bad.... although sometimes i think i can see it move on its own! Clean dishes? Well, I've got 3 sets of everyday dishes before i really need to do any. :-) (I can't bring myself to dirty the everyday dishes AND break out the fine china.) And, I've even let the whiskers get scattered over the sink for 2 or 3 days before cleaning them up. (I can't however let the bathroom get much worse than that) Heck - as i type this, the grass hasn't been cut in almost 3 weeks! Yeah, I've let my hair down!
Needless to say, I've learned to let go just a little. Its not about having a perfect home, its about having a perfectly good time living. I find that my guilt on choosing a night on the couch with my husband instead of cleaning the floors has slowly gone away. And let me tell you what, slacking off and having frozen pizza instead of a home cooked meal is OKAY! Heck, skip the frozen pizza and just order it... then you don't even have to turn the oven on, dirty a pan, or break out a plate if you don't want to!
So.. really, even though my husband is older then me and supposed to be the more grown up individual... its ok that he's not the so-called "Grown Up" he should be. He has this annoying ability to remind me of what is really important... as he sits in his favorite chair, belching after a Dr. Pepper Cherry and 3 slices of Casey's Pizza, glued to a football game. What is real and important here is collecting the memories in our lives and stashing them away, not collecting the dust bunnies and throwing them in the trash. Thank goodness for men who don't have a care in the world... well at least the house!
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