Two Tacos & a Hitch Hiker

Religion is not usually something i write about, but today is a little different. Its not exactly religion per say... but there are definitely religious undertones i guess. Let me explain...

Some background:
I was raised in a Christian household (ELCA to be exact) and grew up very involved in the church all through junior high and high school. I served on many boards and committees statewide and went to conferences and retreats to strengthen my faith. During college i was less active with all of the different things going on at college, but managed to get back to church my junior/senior year (this time the Frozen Chosen PCA).

There has been a lot of traveling and moving in my life, to small rural communities mainly, which has made it hard in the last 3-4 years to maintain any sense of active church going. However, i have received plenty of pressure from certain people to be going to church in the last 2 years. I think they fear for us (my husband & I)... well mostly they fear for our lack of community involvement and think that church is the answer.

Anyways... lately I've been wanting to get back to church, back to a formal place & act of praising the Lord.... but just haven't felt comfortable or right about it yet. I need to have a feeling... i can't really describe it, but it is the same one i felt when i found my church in Lincoln during college. However, this lack of formal church going doesn't mean God has left my life. This is something I've tried to explain to many people and they scoff at me, others completely understand. Honestly i think a large majority of people are in my same boat. They were raised to know right and wrong through God's teachings and they live their life by that everyday. They don't go to church, they might have a few drinks on the weekend and swear a little, but are good, honest, hardworking & God fearing people. They don't preach about their faith to other or condemn others for their lack of faith.

This is how my husband & I live.

With all this being said let me get to the point of this story. I have always believed that a person's faith, spirituality, conscious, whatever you call it, is based on their actions. The saying "Actions Speak Louder than Words" has always rang true for me. Needless to say, in these last few months of pondering my own spiritual life I've been lacking action! Maybe it was God (i certainly didn't her His voice in my head like people always claim), maybe it was my conscious, or maybe it was just my stomach talking, but today for lunch I drove all the way to york from fairmont for Taco Bell. Now, normally i just get a deliciously bad for you Cheesy Gordita Crunch, but today i felt i needed a Crunchy Taco Supreme, TWO of them to be exact. This is rare for me, i don't ever eat two of something & especially not since I've been watching what i eat.

Here is the point. On my way back to work at the intersection north of interstate 80 on hwy 81 there was a man sitting at the corner. He was older, white mustache, baggy clothes, sitting on a lone back pack with a sign. His sign was well written and 3 or 4 lines, but the only one i remember was reading "broke & hungry traveler".  Well i made the turn to go south to work and immediately felt guilty, so i turned off and looped back around. Even as i approached him again i wasn't sure if i would have the courage to roll down the passenger window and give him one of my tacos... what if he reached in and tried to grab me, or take my purse? At the last minute i pulled into the lane closest him, rolled down the window and stopped. I handed him my taco through the window and with the most sincere look on his face he said "Thank You Sister".

I don't write this to get praise, in fact i write this to be honest and frank about the situation. Can you imagine what being Broke & Hungry is like? I can't. Yes, I lived paycheck to paycheck through college and some of my post college life, but I've been very lucky and successful for my age. So has my husband. And even when we did have to live paycheck to paycheck we had family we could count on to help us out. My mom has been through serious financial struggles in the past few years & has lived paycheck to paycheck... but we have always helped her out. For good reason too, can you imagine your parent living Broke & Homeless? Can you imagine not helping someone you know, someone you care about? Its not about receiving a pat on the back, its about knowing they are taken care of. This man however, must not have had anyone.

 I don't think he was one of those scammer types you hear about in the big city either, I think he legitimately needed someone to help him. His hands showed age and when he stood up to grab the taco his pants were so baggy that the belt he had on was clearly the only thing holding them up. He had pride though, you could tell he was a strong minded person, obviously educated (the first sign in a long time where all the words were spelled correctly), and tidy. (i have worked in many soup kitchens, and those that need help the most tend to be the ones that are still trying, still look presentable, and still take care of their appearance as best they can. Not the low lives who pick the dirtiest outfit out of their hamper to go downtown and scam innocent people)

His eyes were very blue, his teeth were crooked as he smiled, and his body was rail thin. After i drove away I felt something... you would think i would've been happy or proud of myself for giving him a bite to eat. I felt guilty & overwhelmed. How many other like him are there? I see people on the side of the road all the time... i don't usually stop. I certainly wouldn't let them get in the car and drive them somewhere... not for vanity, for safety i wouldn't. How many more like me are there, afraid to help because of safety or fear of getting scammed and ending up giving money to someone who doesn't really need it.

Sometimes, i guess, you just have to have a little faith and go for it anyways. I do believe that something besides myself made me turn the car around and give today. I don't know whether it was divine intervention, i don't think it matters. I do know this, today is the first time in a while that i feel like I've earned the right to be as lucky as i am. However, i better keep helping others to continue to be worthy of the life i live. (and not my mom... that's a built in given. In fact i would contemplate building her a house in the back yard and being my full time babysitter anyways!)

Anyways, i wish everyone the best in these trying times and hope that they are given the help they need. I hope others will continue to lead through examples of what is good & right in this world, & that we all can appreciate the goodness/good things in our lives. Because i can't imagine Broke & Hungry, nor do i want anyone else to have to imagine this.